It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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