Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i will never coherently bang her
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
