Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
