i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
so much tequila, so little girl.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
