I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
