This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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