My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize