Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
