I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
