The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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