the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize