I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
