I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
