Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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