Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
