I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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