Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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