i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
