cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
