if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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