I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
