I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
