is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
do herpes really smell.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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