Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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