is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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