Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
