not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
