Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
