4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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