Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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