Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
