I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize