I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
