ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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