Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
