Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
