I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize