Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
