When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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