Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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