I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
