I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
