you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
