she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize