TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
