I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
