Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
