dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize