Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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