i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
