mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
