I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
