it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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