who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
