You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
