The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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