Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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