I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
