yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
