please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
