Cold hands, warm shart.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
