It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
