He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We need to get me chipped asap
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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