Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just pynch a tree in the face
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
