i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
