saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
