he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
