3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
