Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
