Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize