It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
