i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you didnt know i had herpes?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
