dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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