So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
