awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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