Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
