I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
