Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
