I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
