I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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