Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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