im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
