And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I didn't notice because vodka
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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