Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
