eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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