his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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